“You always had the POWER my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”

-Glinda
Wizard of Oz

I wish I had learned this a long time ago. I lived most of my life waiting for things to change so I could be happy.

As I look back now, I can see that I was always waiting for something that would bring me happiness. I thought once my father was out of our home, and my mom was happy, then I would find happiness.

Later I believed, if I married the “right” man, and had my dream job, I could be happy.

I thought that once I became a mother I would be happy. There were beautiful moments of sheer bliss when I became a mother. Somewhere along the way, life took over. My children grew up and they had minds of their own. They made choices I didn’t always agree with. That rocked my world. I felt out of control. I became a helicopter mom. I was always trying to anticipate the next crisis. I became overwhelmed.

That is when my perspective about happiness changed. I began to think that true happiness didn’t exist. I told myself I had to just accept the life I had and not expect so much.

When I got into recovery, I learned that I shouldn’t look to others to make me happy.

There is a saying,

“Let go of the rope or be dragged”

That makes me think of waterskiing and how when you fall, the first thing you do must do is LET GO OF THE ROPE,

or you will be dragged. You only have to do that once to learn how important it is to let go. So….

I’m letting go of the rope

My happiness is no longer tied to other people

It’s freeing and at the same time a bit scary. It’s like any new adventure, exciting but there is always some fear of the unknown. I wasted so much of my life waiting for happiness to come from external sources. I was like the characters in the Wizard of Oz, the scarcrow, the tin man and the cowardly lion, searching for external magic to give them the qualities that they already posessed.

I am so grateful to finally know that I had what I needed all along. Here’s to new adventures.